An Excerpt from The Deepest Cut

"The Deepest Cut" is my story in If Ever Ever I Would Leave You. It's the first in my series Albion's Circle. 

And you should totally check out excepts from the other stories in the collection.  "A Choice Fit For a Queen" by Abagail Barnette and "Surfacing" by Bronwyn Green.

Here is the blurb: 

For nineteen years, Anna has been plagued by dreams of lives lived only in legend. Finally free from the family that believed her hopeless and worthless, she’s ready to start her life over—alone. 

When Anna meets an enigmatic stranger claiming to be the legendary wizard Merlin, she is forced to question the very reality she’s struggled to accept. With the mythic figures from her dreams intruding on her waking life, Anna learns that she’s been reborn to fight an ancient evil alongside King Arthur and his Knights of the Round Table. 

Caught in an ages old conflict, Anna is the key to stopping a dark magic that will destroy the world—and Merlin wants to make sure that this time, Anna isn’t alone. 

And the excerpt...

Fire raced along every inch of my body, just under the skin. Sadly, it wasn’t a new feeling. And, after last night, I’d expected it. What I hadn’t expected was the shakiness and almost constant nausea plaguing me all damned day. It hadn’t been this bad in... I didn’t actually remember it ever being this bad. Not like this.

Usually, I could keep it controlled. If I kept busy and focused on what I needed to do through the day, I was fine. It had always been the nights that gave me problems, but I’d found ways to deal with that, too.

I gripped the counter in front of me as my vision blurred. Shutting my eyes, I tried to concentrate on my breathing. In and out. In and out. I bit back a whimper as faces flashed through my mind. One more than the others. No, no, no. I couldn’t deal with him in my head, not now. I bit my lip hard, focused on the pain. Not ever.

A weight settled on my shoulder, and I opened my eyes.

“Anna? You all right?”

I forced my lips to curve into a smile. Henry, the only other employee in the small
café today, looked concerned.

“I’m fine,” I assured him.

“You’re pale as hell,” he murmured, running his hand down my back. “It’s dead in
here; why don’t you take a break?”

I glanced down at my watch. It was just after seven. “There’s less than an hour ‘til
close,” I protested. “I’m fine.”

Of course my body decided that was the perfect time to show just how fine I wasn’t.
A tremor worked its way from my head to feet, and I had to cover my mouth as the late lunch I’d forced myself to eat threatened to reappear. My eyes stung as they filled with tears.

Henry shook his head. “Nope. Go take a break, and get some water in you. Take your time. If I need you, I’ll holler.” When I hesitated, he used his hand on the small of

my back and pushed me toward the door marked “Employees Only”.

I managed to walk through the tiny kitchen to the break room. Hands trembling, I
grabbed my purse from my locker and stumbled to the restroom. It took three tries to turn the lock, and with a sob, I leaned against the heavy door. Clutching my bag to my chest, I slid down until my ass hit the cold floor.

I don’t know how long I sat there, shaking, trying to pull myself together. And failing miserably. Behind my closed lids, images flipped rapidly, almost too fast to distinguish one from another. Almost. But they were as familiar to me as my own reflection. I knew each and every one. Not just faces this time—though, they were there —but places, buildings, events all clouded my mind, tried to burrow in and refused to be shoved aside. It was fierce and brutal, as if these imaginings were fighting back for all times I’d tried to bury them or cut them out of my life.

It didn’t make sense. I shook my head and moaned as the movement sent a wave of pain through my body. God, why was this happening to me? Why was it getting worse? I knew what my mother would say. I’d stopped taking all the medications she and her army of doctors shoved at me my entire life. Well, I’d stopped years ago, so that wasn’t the reason. And those medications... I’d rather be dead than take them again. I felt dead when I was under their influence. That was the reason I’d stopped. I wanted to feel, to live, and they made that impossible. So, as soon as I’d left home, I threw out the pills and never looked back. Things had gotten bad then, but I learned how to deal with it and function normally—without killing everything that made me me.

At first, on my own, I did a lot of stupid things. Stupid, stupid things. All I wanted to do was feel—so I partied hard, drank more than my fair share, and took just about every drug I came across. Not my finest moments. I got over that real quick. Waking up every morning in a different bed with a different person, with no idea what I’d done... Not how I wanted to go through life.

After a time, I realized some sleeping pills to help me get a solid night’s sleep—a solid, dreamless night’s sleep—was all I really needed.

Until now apparently.

I fumbled with the zipper on my purse and started digging through the contents. My fingers closed around a bottle, and I looked at it resting in my palm. That was the

problem. The pills weren’t working. Fucking Nate. I threw the unlabeled bottle back into the bag as anger joined the constant pain.

Nate was who I got the sleeping pills from. It was easier than trying to get a doctor to prescribe them—they always wanted to talk about why I wasn’t sleeping, and the hell if I was going there with anyone—and cheaper than paying for office visits and all that shit.
My breathing hitched as I felt solid steel at the bottom of my bag. I pulled out the pocketknife with trembling fingers.

The pills I’d gotten from Nate the other night were bad. They had to be. Because the alternative—that I was as crazy as my mother thought I was—couldn’t be. Could it? I wasn’t crazy. I pulled the blade of the knife open and fought against the bile surging up my throat.

I wasn’t crazy. Hitching up my skirt, I stared at my thighs, and the pale thin marks I kept hidden from the world. My vision blurred until I couldn’t see clearly, and I was biting back sob after sob. I couldn’t let Henry hear me. I needed to get control, so I could deal with Nate and his fucking shit-batch of pills.

I wasn’t crazy. I pressed the blade against my inner thigh. I still couldn’t see, but that was okay. I knew just how hard to push, how to drag the sharp tool slowly along my skin. My lids fluttered shut, and my breathing evened out as I felt the initial prick then the soothing sting.

I wasn’t crazy. I just needed to focus. And this...this brought me focus. This made things clear. I opened my eyes and watched crimson well up in thin lines, getting thicker and thicker until it began sliding down, down, down. A few beads dripped onto the floor, and in that moment, everything quieted inside me.

Five. It’d only taken five stripes to come back together again this time. Steadily, I rose to my feet and walked to the sink. I cleaned the knife, dried it and put it back in my purse. Avoiding the mirror—I knew I looked like shit, I didn’t need to see it—I lifted a booted foot to rest on the bar beside the toilet. As I cleaned my leg, blood soaked into the rough paper towels, and the drag against the cuts calmed me further. They wouldn’t stop bleeding so I pulled some Band-Aids from my bag and covered them, with hands that no longer shook.

When I had both legs beneath me again, I splashed cool water on my face and took a

few deep breaths.

“I’m not crazy,” I whispered. “I’m fine.”

And you should totally check out excepts from the other stories in the collection.  

"A Choice Fit For a Queen" by Abagail Barnette

 "Surfacing" by Bronwyn Green.

If Ever I Would Leave You is available in all ebook formats

Amazon * Smashwords

RELEASE DAY!!! The Fey: Fate's Song

Can the love of a mere human restore a banished faery prince to his rightful place?

Kaelen of Fey has no hope of returning to the faery realm. He has committed the ultimate crime in the eyes of his people—interfering with the human world—and the conditions of his return are seemingly impossible.

When musician, Abagail Guthrie, stumbles upon him, she offers Kaelen something more precious than help. She gives him hope of returning to his people.

But even as hope surfaces, Kaelen realizes he must choose. The human he loves or his kingdom.

Now Available at Resplendence Publishing

Keep reading for an excerpt!

Her Way - NOW AVAILABLE

Her Way, Book 1 of my Loving series if now available from Resplendence Publishing.

Emma Lawrence is used to doing everything for everyone else—putting herself last. While celebrating her thirtieth birthday with her girlfriends, Emma does something totally out of character, something just for her. She takes hottie, Will Calonen, home.

Will isn’t looking for a serious relationship. Hell, right now, he isn’t looking for a casual one. Then Emma stumbles into his life. He doesn’t know how the sexy brunette will fit into plans, but he knows one thing—he’s not about to let her stumble out of his life.

As their relationship intensifies, Emma learns just how sweet—and satisfying—having her way with Will can be. But when her family begins placing demands on her, will he run for the hills...or defend his woman and help her stand up for herself?

Here is an excerpt -

“Here’s to the big three-oh.”

Emma Lawrence glanced around the table at her friends, her gaze finally landing on Lynn Michaels, who held up her glass in a toast. “God, don’t remind me.”

“We’re here celebrating your birthday,” Lynn said pointedly. “How can I not bring up the momentous occasion?”

Emma chuckled and sipped from the cold beer she held. “Happy birthday is sufficient. We don’t need to mention which one, thank you very much.”

“Oh, come on,” their friend, Ana Harris, chimed in, taking a break from checking out the men in the bar. “Thirty isn’t old. We’re in the prime of our lives, sweetie. Enjoy it. I know I am.” She wiggled her eyebrows.

Shaking her head, Emma couldn’t hold back her grin. Not for the first time, she wished she had a fraction of her friends’ confidence. They seemed to know exactly what they wanted and went after it without hesitation or doubts. While she, on the other hand, stumbled through life, just trying to figure out what to do day by day. Hour by hour, some days.

“And,” Lynn drawled, “you’re all moved into your new house. Another reason to celebrate.”

“While I do miss having you as a roomie, I’m absolutely thrilled for you.” Ana nudged Emma with her shoulder. “Even if your family isn’t.”

Emma closed her eyes briefly then met her friend’s gaze. “Ana.”

“What? I’m just saying that it’s pretty shitty of them to give you hard time about buying a house. Especially, since you haven’t lived on the compound for years.”

“God, do you have to call it that?” Emma cringed.

“Oh I’m sorry. The estate in which your father and your brothers and their families all reside. Is that better?” Ana batted her eyes playfully.

Before Emma could respond, Lynn spoke. “Did you tell any of your sibs to come tonight?”

“I let them know about it, but Nick’s out of town. Tom and Mark couldn’t find sitters so they won’t be coming—what?” she asked when both friends let out snorts.

“Tom and Mark couldn’t come because their go-to-sitter is the guest of honor,” Ana pointed out.

“Enough,” she said with a sigh. “Let’s not do the whole criticize-Emma-for-being-a-wimp thing. Not tonight. Please.”

“Darlin’, we’re not criticizing you. It’s that family of yours,” Lynn pointed out.

Emma didn’t say anything. She just took another drink and glanced around the crowded bar, waiting to see if they’d drop the subject.

Ana sighed. “Okay, so the older bros aren’t coming. What about Matt?”

“Yeah. He said he’d stop by if he could.”

“Matt, huh?” Lynn sat up straighter and glanced toward the door. “Nice.”

Emma hid a smile by taking another sip of beer. Lynn had a thing for her little brother but refused to admit it because of the age difference. Though Emma didn’t see why a few years should be a problem and loved to watch her friend and brother circle each other. She often wondered who’d make the first move. She had her money on Lynn, but Ana and their friend Hannah thought it’d be Matt. So far though, nothing.

“So,” Ana drawled, “what are your plans now, Em?”

“For what?”

Lynn and Ana looked at each other and sighed before Lynn spoke up. “You have your own house now. You’re on your own. What are your plans? Lord knows you don’t have to work, but what are you going to do with your time? Don’t tell me you’re going to start hosting those charity things and all that.”

“No. I’ll leave that to my eager sisters-in-law, thank you very much.” She thought for a moment. Honestly, her family kept her busy enough; they were a full time job on their own. She knew she was lucky not to need a job for money, but she wasn’t one to sit idle. Now, if she could just figure out what she wanted to be when she grew up. “I don’t really know. I guess I’ll fix the house up and go from there.”

“What you need to do is find a man and get laid, girl,” Ana said with a pointed look.

“Please tell me I didn’t just hear that remark aimed at my sister.”

Emma jumped out of her seat and hugged her brother. “Matt! I’m so glad you made it.” She sat back down and gestured at the table. “Sit.”

It didn’t escape her notice that he chose the chair next to Lynn.

“Hello, ladies. I ask that all talk of my sister’s sex life cease now.”

“Women have needs too, Matt,” Lynn purred, leaning closer to him.

“I’m well aware of that, but in my happy little world, my sister doesn’t. No offense, Em.” He reached over, snagged her beer and took a swig.

“None taken.” She pulled the bottle from his grasp. “Get your own.”

“I’ll go get us another round,” Ana volunteered and headed for the bar, beaming at the men she passed on her way.

“So, Ms. Homeowner, feel good to be out on your own?” Matt grinned.

“Damned straight it does.”

“Has Dad been by to check out the new digs?”

“Yeah, and grumbled the whole time about my coming back home.” She laughed.

“Yeah, well, he’s more protective of you. You being the baby girl and all; he wants you where he can take care of you.” He leaned across the table and ruffled her hair playfully.

Emma shoved his hand aside and rolled her eyes. Yeah, having four brothers, three of them older, and being the only girl made for an interesting and stifling childhood. Whereas her brothers ran free. Well, most of them were pretty good. Kinda boring in Emma’s opinion. But Matt, well, he took great joy in shocking their dad and keeping him guessing. Hence, the longer hair, the tattoos, and she knew there were piercings besides the ones on his ear but didn’t want to know the specifics on those. Yet, her dad had taken that all in stride, but wigged out when she pierced her ears and dyed her hair. Once! And it hadn’t even been permanent!

“Round of shots, everyone!” Ana announced, setting a tray with filled shot glasses, lime wedges and salt shakers on the table.

“My kinda lady.” Matt grinned, and Emma noticed Lynn’s slight frown. “Hey, you guys aren’t driving, are you?”

“No, we took a cab,” Ana informed happily.

Emma licked her hand, sprinkled on the salt and licked it off, and threw the shot back. She screwed up her face as it burned its way down. Oh yeah, baby.

The rest of them had just finished their shots when Hannah walked up to the table.

“Started the party without me, huh?”

“Glad you could make it.” Emma hugged her friend.

“Ooh, I’ll go get some more.” Ana jumped up and headed for the bar, once again.

Hannah handed Emma a decorative bag as she sat. “Here. Happy birthday, girl.”

“Oh sure, make me look bad,” Matt teased. “I didn’t bring her present with me.”

Hannah flipped her long black hair over her shoulder. “Not my fault, and, for the record, y’all don’t need me to look bad.”

Emma chuckled and peered in the bag. “Oh, cool.” She pulled out one of the small fairy figurines. She collected them and was touched that Hannah remembered. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome. So what’d I miss?”

“Not much. Harping on my family. Ana ogling the men. You know, the usual.”

“You forgot your need to get laid,” Lynn interjected.

Matt groaned and banged his head on the tabletop. “Stop it, please.”

“Well it’s true. It’s been quite a dry spell for her, and that’s not a good thing.” Lynn grinned at Hannah, then Emma.

“Stop bugging Matt.” Emma patted her brother’s hand. “Don’t worry. In the unlikely event that I do get some, I won’t give you a play-by-play.”

He straightened up. “Gee, thanks, sis.”

“And here we go.” Ana plopped down another tray. “Don’t worry, Hannah, I got you a cola.”

“Thanks.” She grabbed it and took a long drink. “Drink up, my friends, so I can make fun of your drunk asses.”

Laughing, the group lifted their glasses in her direction. Sometime later, Emma lost track of just how many drinks she had consumed. She sighed as the warm, fuzzy, head-wrapped-in-cotton feeling enveloped her.

“You know,” she said, pointing at her friends, “it’s not a bad thing to help family out.”

“No, it’s not,” her brother agreed.

“It is when they take advantage of it.” Lynn shoved at him, missing and nearly falling in his lap. “Not so much you, Matt, but the rest of them totally take advantage of her. It’s not right.”

“Do you really think they do?” he asked, his forehead crinkling as he thought about it.

“Yes,” all three of Emma’s friends chimed together.

Emma sighed. It was hard to be annoyed with them. For one thing, they had her best interests at heart. For another, they were kinda right.

“I’m gonna say no.” She nodded emphatically. “The next time they ask me to watch the kids or to do something when I already have plans, the answer is no… Well, unless it’s an emergency.”

“A real emergency, Emma. Not an oh-dear-I-have-a-hangnail-and-have-to-go-get-a-manicure one,” Ana lectured.

“Right and…” Lynn trailed off as she stared past Emma toward the bar.

“What?” Emma turned around to see what her friend was looking at.

“I wonder what he’s doing here,” she murmured, then shook her head. “Sorry. You remember Will Calonen from school, right, Hannah?”

“Yeah.” Hannah glanced over. “My cousin works at his family’s restaurant, so I’ve seen him around. What’s the big deal with him being here?”

Lynn shrugged. “Just haven’t see him here before, that’s all.”

“Which one is he?” Emma questioned.

“Standing at the end of the bar.” Hannah pointed. “Dark brown hair. Tall. Black pants and white shirt.”

Emma’s breath left in a whoosh when her gaze landed on him. Wow, he was a hottie hot guy. Damn, she’d missed out going to that all girls’ school. Thanks a lot, Dad.

“Whew. Wet panty alert,” Ana piped in.

Matt groaned again, but Emma couldn’t disagree. The man inspired some feelings in the downstairs department, that’s for sure.

“Soooo,” Matt said slowly, “you have a thing for this Will guy?”

Emma turned back around and had to hold back a giggle. Her brother was staring Lynn down.

“No!” she protested. “Just surprised to see him, that’s all.”

“Okay.” Satisfied with that, he rose and moved next to his sister. He bent at the waist, hand on her shoulder. “Gotta run. You okay? Call a cab or let Hannah drive you home, all right?”

“I will.” She leaned over and pecked him on the cheek. “Thanks for putting up with us girls tonight.”

Matt straightened and glanced around the table, his gaze finally resting on Lynn. “Anytime.” With that, he walked out.

“So are you ever going to jump the poor man or what?” Ana asked.

“So, I wonder what Will’s been up to.” Apparently, Lynn was going to ignore the question.

“Why don’t you go ask him?” Emma focused on the man again.

“Nah, we didn’t run in the same circle. He probably wouldn’t even know who I was. So, ladies, are we still on for shopping tomorrow?”

The conversation dimmed around her as Emma stared at Will. She shifted in her chair as she just drank him in. From his dark, wavy hair down to his black shoes. As she decided that he definitely filled out his pants nicely—at least from behind—he turned.

Emma’s mouth suddenly went dry and her stomach quivered. Unable to look away, she met his gaze full on. After a moment—or what felt like an eternity to her—the corner of his mouth quirked up into a slight smile. Oh God, stop staring like an idiot.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Check it out over at Resplendence!

Hugs!

~J

Wooohooo, check it out!

I got the cover art for my upcoming release from Resplendence Publishing. Isn't it gorgeous? I love it!

Her Way is the first book in the Loving Series. It was so much fun to write, and I can't wait to write the remaining three books in the series.

Here is the blub:

Emma Lawrence is used to doing everything for everyone else—putting herself last. While celebrating her thirtieth birthday with her girlfriends, Emma does something totally out of character, something just for her. She takes hottie Will Calonen home.

Will isn’t looking for a serious relationship. Hell, right now, he isn’t looking for a casual one. Then Emma stumbles into his life. He doesn’t know how the sexy brunette will fit into plans, but he knows one thing—he’s not about to let her stumble out of his life.

As their relationship intensifies, Emma learns just how sweet—and satisfying—having her way with Will can be. But when her family begins placing demands on her, will he run for the hills...or defend his woman and help her stand up for herself?

I'll post more about this story and an excerpt soon.  :-) 

Hugs

~J

Want to be ALONE WITH LIAM?

Look at him... You know you want to! ;-)

Alone with Liam is my latest release, a super short erotic story from Resplendence Publishing.

The last thing Erin Harrison expects when she heads to girls weekend away is to end up stranded with Liam Donovan. The man she shamelessly threw herself at three months before. The man who totally shot her down. The man she’s steered clear of ever since.

Erin wonders how she'll survive the one thing she's avoided…and the very thing she yearns for more than anything—being Alone with Liam.



Here's an excerpt:

If she didn’t die, she was going to resort to murder instead of writing about it.

Erin Harrison gripped the steering wheel and leaned forward to peer into the relentless snow bombarding her poor car. Not that it helped one iota. She could barely make out the road in front of her. The tire marks, illuminated by her headlights, were quickly filling with the horrid white stuff.

Why had she listened to Penny? Her best friend had reassured her that the weather was going to be clear, that it was a perfect weekend for a cozy winter getaway with the ladies at the cabin. Yeah right. Erin should have foreseen this. Really, Minnesota in December? It wasn’t rocket science. Of course, she wouldn’t mention that when she ripped Penny’s hair from her scalp.

She breathed a small sigh of relief when she came upon the narrow road leading to the cabin. It would’ve been so easy to miss in this shit if the road hadn’t been plowed recently. Penny’s husband, Ryan, must have been out with the truck, though Mother Nature was quickly messing up all his work.

She peered into the whiteness. Time crawled slowly as she wound her way along the curvy path. When she finally pulled up in front of the small house, she turned off the engine and leaned her head against the steering wheel. She focused on breathing evenly and counted to ten before straightening. Uh, she was never doing that again.

Bracing herself, she left the car. Immediately, snow whirled around her, violently pulling at her coat and hair and pushing her against the car.

She stumbled around to retrieve her bag and laptop from the trunk. She glanced around, squinting against the driving gusts. A laugh welled up within her chest. No other cars were there. Only a set of tire marks leading into the garage gave evidence of anyone else. Apparently, all the other ladies had sense. At least, Penny was there to maim. Erin had that to look forward to.

She battled the wind and climbed up the porch steps. A warm light filtered into the night from one of the first story windows.

She pushed the front door open, quickly entered and slammed it shut.

“Penny, you wench, it took me forever to get here. The weather is supposed to be clear, huh? Well, take a look outside, sister! I’ve been thinking of payback the whole way, and you know I have one hell of an imagination. Be afraid. Be very afraid,” she drawled as dropped her bags and moved to hang her outwear in the closet.

“Penny’s not here.”

The masculine voice had Erin yelping in surprise and trying to turn. Her shirt caught on a hook, and she was pulled into the closet, tumbling head first into the small space. Her wet shoes slid right out from under her, taking her feet with them. She landed smack on her belly, face in a pair of Penny’s sandals, legs sticking out of the closet like a rag doll.

Before she could scramble out, she was lifted and set on her feet.

“Sorry ‘bout that. Didn’t mean to scare ya. Are you okay?”

Erin closed her eyes, acutely aware of the large hands still on her waist, warm and firm. Oh God, not Liam. What was he doing here? What did he mean Penny wasn’t there? This was supposed to be a ladies’ weekend. No guys. She specifically remembered Penny saying no guys, that Ryan was going to plow out and head back home. There had been no mention of his brother, and Erin wouldn’t have forgotten that little detail.

“I’m fine. Thanks.” Carefully, she turned and found a pair of clear blue eyes peering at her. Her stomach quivered, and she swallowed hard as her throat tightened. “Where’s Penny?” she croaked.

He frowned. “At home. She decided not to come up because of the weather. She was supposed to call everyone.”

“Huh, guess she forgot me.” She bit back a groan as his fingers tightened ever so slightly. Oh God, she had to get away from him before she made a fool of herself. Right now. “Well, I’m obviously here for the night, so I’ll just settle in. What room do you have?” She pulled away, inched around him and lifted her bags.

“I haven’t brought my stuff in yet. You choose.”

Why was he staring at her like that? She thought she was behaving admirably all things considered. Of course, she had just been butt side up on the floor minutes before, so that might be it.

“I’ll take the front room then.” She hurried through the living room and, once in the bedroom, all but slammed the door behind her. Leaning against the wood, she let out a shaky breath.

Oh, Penny was really in trouble now. Not only had she abandoned her best friend, but somehow, Erin had ended up stranded in a snowstorm with Penny’s brother-in-law. This wouldn’t be a problem aside from the fact Erin had made an idiotic move on the man several months ago, and he’d turned her down flat. Yes, ma’am, Penny had better hide her skinny self far, far way.


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I hope you'll check it out! A quick easy (and HAWT) read for 99 cents? Can't beat that. And Resplendence has a bunch of other shorts available and coming up!

Hugs
~J